Whatever You Want!
by Rationale
Summary: A version of the episode Lil where Hawkeye tries to find out what BJ stand for. Only difference is here you actually find out what it means... NOW COMPLETED! R&R please people!
1. Questions

Disclaimer: I don't own Mash or any characters in it, but I wish I did.  
  
"Hawkeye, wake up." Hawkeye just groaned and rolled over. "Sir, wake up!" Hawkeye replied sleepily, "Wake me when the wars over." "Hawkeye!" Hawkeye opened one eye. "Radar, what is it? I'm trying to sleep here, which is hard when you're yelling in my ear!" "Sir, one of your patients has a fever of 103, Private BJ Winslow. The nurse needs to know what to do." Hawkeye sat up. "All right, I'm up. I'll go check on him." He got up, put on his bathrobe, and made his way over to Post-Op. Luckily, it had been a quiet few days, so there weren't many patients in Post-Op. Winslow had been brought in with a bullet wound in his chest, but was has been doing well. Hawkeye sighed. Until this. He was pretty sure that the fever was because of a secondary infection, but still.  
  
"Well Nurse, what seems to be the problem?" "Winslow has a fever. He had a normal temperature until about an hour ago, when it went up. Right now it's at 103 degrees." Hawkeye scanned Winslow's chart. "Give him some penicillin, normal dosage. If that doesn't help, just yell." "All right Doctor." Hawkeye turned at headed over to the Mess-tent. He saw BJ sitting at one of the tables. Hawkeye got a tray, and went over to join him.  
  
"Well BJ, what poison are they trying to pass off as food today?" BJ smiled. "Well, I think this brown mush is supposed to be potatoes, the chunk of what I think is meat could be sausage, and I have no idea what this purple mess is." Hawkeye looked dubiously at the food. "Well, here goes nothing." He picked up his fork and tried the purple mush. He tried to swallow, but grabbed for a napkin. "I think the cook wants to kill us. This is even worse than usual, and that's saying something!" BJ laughed.  
  
"So, Hawkeye, what got you up so early?" Hawkeye poked the so-called sausage, then decided to leave it alone when he thought he saw it move. "One of my patients, BJ Winslow, has a fever. Nothing too serious. He's on penicillin. Probably a secondary infection." BJ looked thoughtful. "Winslow, Winslow- he was the gunshot wound to the chest, right?" Hawk nodded. "That's him. He should be fine."  
  
He looked over at BJ. "So, it appears we have another BJ at the 4077th. What a coincidence." BJ just grinned. "Funny thing, isn't it. What does BJ stand for in his case?" Hawkeye thought for a minute. "You know, I don't know. Let me check and get back to you on that." Now he glanced questioningly at BJ. "Say, Beej, what does BJ stand for in your case?" BJ grinned. "Whatever you want, Hawk." Hawk just looked at him. "No, seriously. What? You can tell me. I'm your best friend!" BJ laughed. "BJ stand for whatever you want it to stand for." Hawkeye started to reply, but BJ interrupted. "Don't you have Post-Op duty now? You should go. Ferret face will get mad if you're late." Hawkeye glared at him and said, "Since when do I care what Ferret face thinks? But, you're right, I'll go. But, don't think I'm giving up on this, I'll get it out of you." BJ just smiled as Hawkeye left. 


	2. Contacts

Hawkeye made his way through Post-Op, checking up on the patients. When he came to Winslow he paused. "Hey Winslow. How are you feeling?" "A lot better Doc, thanks." Hawkeye smiled. "That's good. Hey, I got something that might interest you. One of the other doctors here is named BJ too." Winslow face broke into a smile. "Really? That's great. What does BJ for him?" Hawkeye shrugged. "Don't know. How about you?" "Stands for Barry Joseph. My favorite uncle is named Barry, and my father's middle name is Joseph." Hawkeye talked with the kid a few minutes more, then continued his watch. When someone finally came to relieve him, he went to the Swamp and found BJ.  
  
"Hey Hawk. How was Post-Op?" Hawkeye sat on his cot. "Quiet. Want a drink?" BJ nodded. "Sure, why not. Hawkeye went and filled to martini glasses at the still. BJ asked, "So, what does BJ stand for? The patient BJ." Hawkeye sipped his martini. "Says it stands for Barry Joseph. Now that I've found out what his stands for, but what does yours stand for?" BJ set his glass down. "I told you already, whatever you want!" Hawkeye gave a small groan. "Not that again. Why won't you tell me? I'm your best friend. What is it, like a family secret?" BJ laughed. "No, nothing like that. Why do you want to know so badly? BJ can stand for whatever you want it to. When I was little I used to pretend it stood for a whole bunch of things, just for fun." Hawkeye glared at him. "I want to know because, oh, I don't know, I think it might be nice for me to know what my best friend's name really is. Tell me!" "It stands for BJ, OK?" Hawkeye shook his head. "Fine, if you won't tell me, I don't want to know." "BJ said, "OK."  
  
The two men sat in silence until Hawkeye looked at BJ and said, "Please tell me what it means! It's going to drive me nuts!" BJ laughed. "Hawkeye, I already told you what it means. Why is this bugging you so much?" "One, you haven't told me what it means. Two, I am not buying that story you keep telling me about your name. Three, it is bugging me because you won't tell me! Now, I am going to use whatever means I can find to find out!" BJ laughed again and shook his head in amusement. "OK, but you won't find anything out!" "Ah, we'll see about that!" And with that Hawkeye went to find Radar. If the company clerk couldn't find it out, no one could. 


	3. Favors

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will, blah blah blah.  
  
Chapter 3: Favors  
  
Radar was, as usual, sitting at his desk, going through paperwork. He looked up when Hawkeye came in. "Hello sir." "Hey Radar. Listen, I need a favor from you." Radar looked hesitant. "I don't know. The kind of favors you ask might get me in trouble, no offense." Hawkeye chuckled. "None taken. This favor shouldn't. I need you to go through any files you can find on BJ Hunnicut." Now Radar looked confused. "BJ, sir? Why do you want me to look in his files?" "Because I want to find out what his initials stand for. He won't tell me, and I need to find out. I know you can find it, you know where everything is!" Radar thought for a minute, then agreed. "OK, but don't tell anyone about this."  
  
He walked over to the filing cabinet, and went through the files. Finally, he found BJ's. He looked through it, then stopped. "Sir, BJ stands for BJ." Hawkeye sat down in disgust. "He won't tell anyone, will he? Not even the army or his best friend! Well, we'll see about that. Radar, I need you to go and find anyone who would be able to find out what BJ stands for." Radar hesitated, then agreed. "Okay, but I don't think you'll find anything." "Just look Radar. Thanks in advance. Now, I'm going to go pester BJ some more." So Hawkeye left and made his way over to the Swamp.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Please, R&R, I need reviews!!!! Does anyone have an idea for what BJ could stand for? I can't think of any good ones. Let me know what you think! This is my first fanfic, so I need some advice. I hope it's not too bad! Sorry, this chapter is kinda short, but I didn't know what else to put in. 


	4. Should I Tell?

Disclaimer: you know the drill, people! Blah blah blah, yak yak yak!!  
  
Chapter Four: Should I Tell.  
  
Days passed by, and Radar still didn't have anything new for him. Hawkeye was finally about to give up. He had been bugging BJ for the last week, and his friend still hadn't given in. So, he was about ready to drop the whole issue (surprisingly). Little did he know...  
  
"Radar, Hawkeye is really trying to find out what my real name is, isn't he?" "Yes, sir. He keeps bugging me. It's driving me up the wall!"  
  
BJ was talking to Radar in his office. BJ knew his friend was desperate to find out what his name meant, and was thinking of a way to tell him.  
  
"Radar, do you think I should tell him?" "Well, I don't see how it could hurt. He keeps annoying everyone. But, of course it's up to you sir. He should eventually give up." "I don't think that could happen, at least not for a while. This is Hawkeye we're talking about." Radar smiled. "You do have a point, sir." BJ smiled back, then laughed. "Radar, I have an idea, but I'm going to need your help."  
  
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Dun-dun! What is BJ's plan??? Well, you'll have too wait and see in the next chapter. I still need some names for BJ! Anyone got any ideas? Oh and check out my new story, "And the war went on." R&R both!! 


	5. And the Name is?

Disclaimer: Look, if I owned MASH, it would still be going on TV, no reruns.  
  
Chapter 4: And the name is.  
  
It was a few nights later, and BJ and Radar were about to act on their plan.  
  
"Radar, do you have everything?" "Yes Captain, I do. Gosh, I've only told you that about 10 times!"  
  
"Okay, sorry Radar. Boy, I can't wait to see the look on Hawkeye's face later. Okay Radar, time to begin operation Name!!" BJ's face shone with anticipation as he and Radar left the office.  
  
So it began.  
  
~*~ A FEW HOURS LATER ~*~  
  
Hawkeye woke up slowly. "Uhhhhhh." He sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He had been up the past night trying to convince BJ to tell him his name, with no luck. "I'm just going to give up! If tat creep won't tell me his name, then why should I care?" Hawkeye was starting to feel angry with BJ, so he decided to stay out of his way to avoid a fight. He got up to go to the Mess Tent, even though he wasn't particularly hungry.  
  
After trying to choke down (with no success) what the Mess Tent called food, Hawkeye returned to the Swamp. He sat on his cot, and heard the crackle of paper. He stood up, and read the note that had been left on his cot.  
  
The note said "Follow these clues and find something you have been searching for! The notes have something to do with the places in the camp." Hawkeye smiled. He had always loved riddles and scavenger hunts, even as a kid. He picked up the first clue. It said "Our Unofficial Clubhouse". He sat and thought about what area in the camp fit that description. Then it dawned on him. "Of course! The Officer's Club. That's where we spend most our time anyway. He hurried over. Once he got there, he looked around for a per. He spotted one of the counters. He grabbed it and read "The Opera House". He thought for a moment, then said, "The showers! We sing in there all the time!" And with that he left for the showers to look for another note.  
  
During all this, BJ watched Hawkeye run around camp, with an excited look on his face. He sighed satisfactorily. "I knew this would work. I hope he finds all the clues!"  
  
Hawkeye smiled as he neared the showers. He opened the door, and looked around. Sure enough, there was another note. On this one was written "Town Hall". He thought for a moment, then said, "Colonel Potter's office!" That was where they held all their meeting, arguments, and other conferences. So now he turned and hurried over to the office.  
  
When he went through the door, he bumped into Radar. "Sir, can I help you with anything?" Hawkeye shook his head. "Not unless you've seen a little piece of paper anywhere." Radar shook his head. "No sir, I haven't." Hawkeye turned past him and walked into Potter's office. Radar smiled secretly. He knew what Hawkeye was looking for.  
  
Hawkeye looked under the stacks of paper in Potter's desk, near the phone, and under the table. "Nothing!" he said in frustration. Then he turned and saw the liquor cabinet. He grinned and practically ran over. He smiled even bigger as he saw a piece of white paper.  
  
Eagerly he picked it up and read "The Everglade's brother". Hawkeye only had to think for a second, it was a no-brainer. "On to the Swamp!" He walked quickly over to his tent.  
  
When he entered the Swamp, he immediately saw another note on BJ's bunk. He picked it up, and read. He grinned from ear to ear. "So that's why you didn't want to tell me your name. It is a nice name though. I speak from personal experience on that." Hawkeye read the note again, then left to go find BJ.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Don't worry, you do find out what BJ stand for. I had to leave it as a cliffhanger. Oh, and thank you to Angela Dunn, who gave me the idea for the name! You'll just have to read the next chapter to find out the name!!!! 


	6. BJ stand for?

Disclaimer: You know the drill.  
  
Chapter 5: BJ = ?????  
  
After looking around camp, Hawkeye finally found BJ standing with radar in radar's office. As soon as he caught sight of him, he burst out laughing. BJ saw him and grinned hugely.  
  
"BJ, you scoundrel, that's why you wouldn't tell me what your name was!!!" Hawkeye yelled.  
  
BJ just grinned. "Yeah, I kind of didn't want you to know we shared names. But, now you know."  
  
"Yeah, now I know. Benjamin James Hunnicut. A nice name, especially the first one!" Hawkeye added the last part with a mischievous grin. "How did you come up with the whole scavenger hunt idea/ It was fun!"  
  
"I had a little help from our pal here," he said, turning to Radar. Radar blushed and said, "Aw, I didn't have nothing to do with it. I just helped him with the notes that's all."  
  
"Well, I have to hand it to you, both of you. That was sure a great game. I'm glad I finally know your name. Come on, both of you, I'll by you a drink in the Officer's Club."  
  
So the trio turned and walked to the club, all of them smiling and laughing. Hawkeye added with a smirk. "So, Beej, do you still want to be called BJ do you want to be called Ben?"  
  
BJ looked at him. "You better keep calling me BJ. NO one except my mother calls me Ben." He gave a small shudder. "Boy, that brings back memories. Whenever I was in trouble, she'd call me Benjamin."  
  
Hawkeye laughed. "I know exactly how you fell. That's what my father did, my mother too. Whenever they called me that, I knew I was in trouble." He paused a moment. "I still can't believe your name is Benjamin. It's, I don't know, kind of weird that we are both at the same unit, in the same tent, and best friends, and we both have the same first name, isn't it?"  
  
BJ nodded. "I know. That's why I just wanted to be called BJ. It's easier, and besides, that's what everyone back in California calls me."  
  
Hawkeye smiled at his friend. "Well BJ, thanks for finally telling me." BJ smiled. "Anytime."  
  
They arrived at the Officer's Club. "Bartender, two beers and a grape NeHi for my short pal here." Radar glared at Hawkeye. "Hey!" "Just joking Radar!"  
  
The friends sat down at the counter, and spent the rest of the night, talking, laughing and joking with each other, relaxing while they could until the next batch of wounded came.  
  
THE END  
  
So, what do you think????? I hope this was a good way to end it. I liked it anyway. Please review, thought on this chapter and the whole story, I hoped you like it. This is my first fanfic ever, and I like it. So R&R, and check out my other Mash fanfic, And the War Went On. Please R&R that one too! Thanks for reading my story!!!! PS I don't know if I spelled NeHi right, but I guessed. So don't yell at me for that, I have no idea how to spell it. Sorry! 


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